The Truth About Moving On From Your Ex After Divorce

There’s no timetable for grieving the end of a marriage.

Some people find the process of moving on after divorce surprisingly uncomplicated. (You know, the kind of folks who say they had moved on from their ex long before their marriage was legally over.) For others, closure is a lot harder to come by.

The good news? Your brain may be hardwired to help you move on. According to a study published earlier this year in the journal Review of General Psychology, humans may be built to experience the pain of a split and move on to a new partner.

Even so, getting through those first initial months and even years after divorce isn’t going to be easy. To help you out, we asked relationship experts and HuffPost Divorce readers for their best advice on moving forward after divorce. Read their tried-and-true tips below.

1. Understand that there’s no timeframe for recovering from divorce — and that’s OK.

There will be days when you feel amazing and glad to be free of your ex — and days when getting out of bed seems like more trouble than it’s worth. As divorce coach Kira Gould discovered firsthand, divorce recovery is not a linear process.

“There were times in the beginning of my divorce when I knew in my soul that I was done and over it — and there are days now, six years later, when I am surprised to think fondly of my ex,” she said. “When you have a past that was long and intricately entwined, those feelings don’t go away overnight.”

2. If you have kids, note that the process will be even harder.

While it’s great to behave like grownups and co-parent for your kids’ sake, having to see your ex every time he or she swings by makes it a lot harder to move on, said HuffPost reader Diane Caron.

“Whether you have children together does make a difference,” she said. “It’s something that we have to live with for the rest of our lives, even if we do move on.”

3. Remind yourself that you’re capable of moving on after divorce.


Don’t get too hung up on the theory that it takes half the length of the relationship‘s duration to process a breakup. You’ll feel more empowered once you accept that you’re in charge of moving on, not a calendar, divorce coach Emma Heptonstall said.

“Recovering from divorce is ultimately about being willing to let go,” she said. “Letting go frees up emotional space, physical space and creates a path on which you can move forward. Being open to the possibility that you might be able to move on is the first sign that you already have.”

4. Make a point to define who you are outside of the marriage.

Instead of fixating on moving on, try focusing on yourself and re-embracing the goals and interests you may have put aside during your marriage, said reader Barry Fraser.

“I don’t think there’s an exact timeframe for moving on but what I do think helps immensely is regaining confidence in yourself,” he said. “Chances are, your relationship changed who you were and you lost your identity or self worth.”

5.  Take comfort in knowing you might experience a moment where you finally feel free of the past. 

For writer Amy Koko, the moment she knew she was over her ex (or as over an ex as you can be when you have kids) happened unexpectedly on Thanksgiving, two years post-split.

“The year before I had looked around and felt an overwhelming sadness for the one person who would never again be sitting at head of my table,” she said. “This year as we laughed at the table, I felt a flush of warmth remembering how my ex always drank a glass of egg nog with his turkey dinner. In that moment, I hoped he was enjoying his day as much as I was…and that’s when I knew.”

6. But don’t be surprised if a new wave of sadness hits after you thought you had processed your grief.

Six months after her “drama”-filled divorce was finalized, HuffPost blogger Lindsey Light felt emotionally ready to date again. But then, seemingly out of the nowhere, she experienced another bout of sadness.

“Today, I find myself still dealing with some of the repercussions of my divorce and marriage,” she said. “We were together seven years; I think it’s good that I’m aware of this as I move forward in my life and relationships. That said, I can say with certainty that I am no longer bitter or heartbroken — and I definitely don’t have any romantic feelings left for my ex.”

7. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get over it.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to move on after divorce — but maybe instead the goal should be some version of closure from the past, said psychologist Andra Brosh.

“One of the greatest misperceptions of divorce is that it’s something you move on from,” she said. “The end of a marriage can be grieved and embraced as a life experience, but the mark it leaves can never be erased.”

8. Down the road, try to look back fondly on the good times you had with your ex. (You know there were some good times.) 

It’s healing in its own way to look back on the years you spent with your ex with a sense of appreciation, said Gould.

“I like to think that my ex still has a small place in my heart that’s compartmentalized,” she said. “I honor the time we had together, but limited in a healthy way.”

Source

Kiat Melanjutkan Hidup Setelah Perceraian

Sejumlah orang mendapati bahwa proses melanjutkan (move on) setelah perceraian ternyata tidak sulit. Biasanya hal ini dikatakan oleh mereka yang sudah move on dari pasangannya jauh sebelum pernikahan usai. Bagi orang-orang lain, melewatinya terasa jauh lebih sulit.

Untungnya, otak dirancang untuk membantu kita menyintas (survive). Menurut penelitian yang diterbitkan pada awal 2015 dalam jurnal Review of General Psychology, manusia dirancang untuk mengalami sakitnya berpisah dan move on menuju pasangan baru.

Walaupun begitu, melewati beberapa bulan permulaan dan bahkan tahun-tahun setelah perceraian tidaklah mudah. Dikutip dari Huffington Post pada Selasa (2/2/2016), berikut ini adalah sejumlah masukan dari pembaca dan para pakar hubungan tentang bagaimana melanjutkan hidup setelah perceraian:


1. Pahamilah bahwa tidak ada jangka waktu tertentu untuk pemulihan dari perceraian—dan itu tidak apa-apa

Ada hari-hari di mana kita merasa lega dan gembira telah terbebas dari mantan, €”dan hari-hari di mana bangun tidur terasa lebih berat. Seperti dialami secara langsung oleh pendamping perceraian Kira Gould, pemulihan perceraian bukanlah suatu proses yang linier.

"€œAda masa-masa di awal perceraian saya di mana jiwa saya sadar bahwa saya sudah tuntas dan melewatinya, €”dan ada hari-hari sekarang ini, setelah 6 tahun berlalu, ketika saya terkejut karena memikirkan mantan dengan kangen," katanya.

"€œKalau kita memiliki masa lalu yang panjang dan sangat berhubungan satu sama lain, perasaan-perasaan itu tidak pergi hanya dalam semalam."€


2. Jika memiliki anak, camkanlah bahwa proses ini akan lebih berat

Walupun tampak hebat berperilaku seperti orang dewasa dan menjadi orangtua bersama demi sang anak, pertemuan sesekali dengan mantan membuatnya lebih susah untuk move on, demikan menurut pembaca Diane Caron.

Katanya, "€œMemiliki anak bersama memang membuat perbedaan. Hal itu adalah sesuatu yang harus kita jalani seumur hidup, bahkan ketika kita sudah move on."


3. Ingatkan diri sendiri bahwa kita mampu move on setelah perceraian

Jangan terlalu berkutat pada teori yang menyatakan perlu setengah dari jangka waktu hubungan untuk memproses perpisahan. Kita akan lebih kuat ketika memahami bahwa kita bertanggungjawab untuk bisa move on, bukan karena ukuran kalender, demikian kata pendamping perceraian Emma Heptonstall.

"€œPulih dari perceraian pastinya adalah tentang kemauan untuk berlapang dada. Berlapang dada membebaskan sejumlah ruang emosional dan ruang jasmani sehingga menciptakan jalan untuk kita bergerak maju. Terbuka kepada kemungkinan bahwa kita bisa move on adalah tanda pertama bahwa kita memang sudah move on."


4. Pertegas untuk menentukan siapa diri kita di luar pernikahan

Daripada terpaku pada usaha untuk move on, cobalah fokus pada diri sendiri dan meraih lagi sasaran dan kegemaran yang pernah kita singkirkan selama pernikahan, kata pembaca Barry Fraser.

Katanya, "€œSaya rasa tidak ada jangka waktu yang pasti untuk move on tapi saya kira yang dapat sangat membantu adalah meraih lagi kepercayaan diri kita. Bisa jadi, hubungan itu telah mengubah diri kita dan kita kehilangan jati diri ataupun nilai diri."€


5. Terhiburlah karena mengetahui bahwa kita kemungkinan mengalami saat di mana kita akhirnya merasa terbebas dari masa lalu

Penulis Amy Koko menyebutkan bahwa saat dimana ia tahu bahwa ia sudah tuntas dengan mantannya (atau setuntas yang kita rasa kalau mempunyai anak) terjadi secara tidak diduga pada hari Thanksgiving, tepat 2 tahun setelah berpisah.

"€œSetahun sebelumnya saya melihat sekeliling dan merasakan kesedihan yang luar biasa tentang seseorang yang tidak akan pernah lagi duduk bersama di kepala meja," katanya.

"€œTahun ini, sambil tertawa di meja, saya merasakan percikan kehangatan mengingat bagaimana mantan saya selalu minum racikan telur dengan makan malam kalkunnya. Pada saat itu, saya berharap ia menikmati harinya sebagaimana saya menikmatinya…dan itulah waktunya saya tahu."€


6. Tapi jangan kaget kalau gelombang kesedihan baru datang menerpa setelah kita sangka kita sudah memproses rasa duka

Selama 6 bulan setelah perceraian penuh drama diselesaikan, seorang blogger Huffington Post bernama Lindsey Light merasa siap secara emosional untuk berpacaran lagi. Tapi kemudian, entah dari mana, ia lagi-lagi mengalami rasa sedih.

"€œHari ini, saya merasakan masih menghadapi sejumlah penyesalan percerceraian dan pernikahan saya. Kami pernah bersama selama 7 tahun. Baguslah saya menyadari hal ini sambil bergerak maju dalam kehidupan dan hubungan. Walaupun begitu, saya dapat mengatakan dengan pasti bahwa saya tidak lagi pahit atau remuk hati, €”dan saya pastinya tidak lagi memiliki perasaan romantis apapun tersisa bagi mantan saya."


7. Jangan terlalu memaksakan diri untuk melewatinya

Kita terlalu menekan diri sendiri untuk move on setelah perceraian, €”tapi mungkin sebaiknya tujuannya adalah cara menutup masa lalu, kata ahli psikologi Andra Brosh.

"Salah satu cara pandang yang paling salah tentang perceraian adalah bahwa itu merupakan hal yang kita bisa lupakan. Akhir suatu pernikahan dapat mendukakan dan diterima sebagai pengalaman hidup, tapi bekas yang ditinggalkannya tidak akan pernah bisa dihapus,€ katanya.

8. Sambil berjalan maju, coba kenanglah kembali waktu-waktu indah bersama dengan mantan (pastilah ada waktu-waktu yang indah)

Hal demikian merupakan pemulihan dengan melihat kembali pada tahun-tahun yang diluangkan bersama mantan dengan rasa menghargai, kata Gould.

"Saya pikir mantan saya masih memiliki ruang kecil di hati saya secara khusus. Saya menghargai waktu yang kami jalani bersama, tapi terbatas secara sehat."

Source

5 secrets to make him crazy for you

It's easier than you think to seduce your husband.

 

 

 

Intimate relationships are very important in a couple's life. Besides being able to create children, sex generally brings couples closer together and improves better understanding between each spouse.

It is important for men and women to understand the differences in feelings and actions each gender has when it comes to sex. This article specifically deals with how men handle sex, and in return, how women can keep them interested, even after years of marriage.

Male sexuality

Men are more visual. He is enchanted by what he sees, and may be excited with a simple image of nudity. It is no wonder that the porn industry targets men as their main client, but it's important to understand that pornography is not normal. In fact, it glamourizes those who are led by their weaknesses. Pornography only takes into account the self-centered aspect of sex – rather than focusing on the emotions of both the man and woman involved.

1. Show interest

Many women are shy about expressing their sexual desires; however, it's healthy to discard prejudices and express what you want. Husbands want their wives to initiate sex instead of making excuses when he seeks it. Having both spouses initiate sex creates a healthy sexual relationship.

2. Take care of appearance

Many women neglect themselves over time. Try to stay well-groomed and healthy. Do what you need to develop a good self-esteem. It doesn't cost anything to please the eyes of someone you love.

3. Don't hate on yourself

You're smart! You're beautiful! While it will help you feel better to do the above, also realize we all have imperfections, and your husband loves you the way you are. Insecurities like, "I'm overweight," or "I do not like my body," can greatly impair sexual life. Love and value yourself. Highlight what you like about yourself and draw his attention to it.

4. Show love in simple ways

Look for the small things he enjoys about life. Doing those little things throughout the day can help you both feel more in love. When the time comes to be intimate, it comes more naturally for you both. This is a great weapon of seduction.

5. Give of yourself, body and soul

Life and stress happens. You may need to take some time to release negative emotions about him before you can have a desire to be intimate. Learn to focus on the positive. Healthy sexual relationships can help strengthen the love you feel for each other.

Source
 

Jauhkan Anakmu Dari Kemudahan

Seorang mahasiswi mengeluh. Dari SD hingga lulus S-1, ia selalu juara. Namun kini, di program S-2, ia begitu kesulitan menghadapi dosennya yang menyepelekannya. Judul tesisnya selalu ditolak tanpa alasan yang jelas. Kalau jadwal bertemu dibatalkan sepihak oleh dosen, ia sulit menerimanya.

Sementara itu, teman-temannya, yang cepat selesai, jago mencari celah. Ia menduga, teman-temannya yang tak sepintar dirinya itu “ada main” dengan dosen-dosennya. “Karena mereka tak sepintar aku,” ujarnya.

Banyak orangtua yang belum menyadari, di balik nilai-nilai tinggi yang dicapai anak-anaknya semasa sekolah, mereka menyandang persoalan besar: kesombongan dan ketidakmampuan menghadapi kesulitan. Bila hal ini saja tak bisa diatasi, maka masa depan ekonominya pun akan sulit.

Mungkin inilah yang perlu dilakukan orangtua dan kaum muda: belajar menghadapi realitas dunia orang dewasa, yaitu kesulitan dan rintangan.

Hadiah orangtua

Psikolog Stanford University, Carol Dweck, yang menulis temuan dari eksperimennya dalam buku The New Psychology of Success, menulis, “Hadiah terpenting dan terindah dari orangtua pada anak-anaknya adalah tantangan”.

Ya, tantangan. Apakah itu kesulitan-kesulitan hidup, rasa frustrasi dalam memecahkan masalah, sampai kegagalan “membuka pintu”, jatuh bangun di usia muda. Ini berbeda dengan pandangan banyak orangtua yang cepat-cepat ingin mengambil masalah yang dihadapi anak-anaknya.

Kesulitan belajar mereka biasanya kita atasi dengan mendatangkan guru-guru les, atau bahkan menyuap sekolah dan guru-gurunya. Bahkan, tak sedikit pejabat mengambil alih tanggung jawab anak-anaknya ketika menghadapi proses hukum karena kelalaian mereka di jalan raya.

Kesalahan mereka membuat kita resah. Masalah mereka adalah masalah kita, bukan milik mereka.
Termasuk di dalamnya adalah rasa bangga orangtua yang berlebihan ketika anak-anaknya mengalami kemudahan dalam belajar dibandingkan rekan-rekannya di sekolah.

Berkebalikan dengan pujian yang dibangga-banggakan, Dweck malah menganjurkan orangtua untuk mengucapkan kalimat seperti ini: “Maafkan Ibu telah membuat segala sesuatu terlalu gampang untukmu, Nak. Soal ini kurang menarik. Bagaimana kalau kita coba yang lebih menantang?”

Jadi, dari kecil, saran Dweck, anak-anak harus dibiasakan dibesarkan dalam alam yang menantang, bukan asal gampang atau digampangkan. Pujian boleh untuk menyemangati, bukan membuatnya selalu mudah.

Saya teringat masa-masa muda dan kanak-kanak saya yang hampir setiap saat menghadapi kesulitan dan tantangan. Kata reporter sebuah majalah, saya ini termasuk “bengal”. Namun ibu saya bilang, saya kreatif. Kakak-kakak saya bilang saya bandel. Namun, otak saya bilang “selalu ada jalan keluar dari setiap kesulitan”.

Begitu memasuki dunia dewasa, seorang anak akan melihat dunia yang jauh berbeda dengan masa kanak-kanak. Dunia orang dewasa, sejatinya, banyak keanehannya, tipu-tipunya. Hal gampang bisa dibuat menjadi sulit. Namun, otak saya selalu ingin membalikkannya.

Demikianlah, hal-hal sepele sering dibuat orang menjadi masalah besar.
Banyak ilmuwan pintar, tetapi reaktif dan cepat tersinggung. Demikian pula kalau orang sudah senang, apa pun yang kita inginkan selalu bisa diberikan.

Panggung Orang Dewasa

Dunia orang dewasa itu adalah sebuah panggung besar dengan unfair treatment yang menyakitkan bagi mereka yang dibesarkan dalam kemudahan dan alam yang protektif.
Kemudahan-kemudahan yang didapat pada usia muda akan hilang begitu seseorang tamat SMU.

Di dunia kerja, keadaan yang lebih menyakitkan akan mungkin lebih banyak lagi ditemui.
Fakta-fakta akan sangat mudah Anda temui bahwa tak semua orang, yang secara akademis hebat, mampu menjadi pejabat atau CEO. Jawabannya hanya satu: hidup seperti ini sungguh menantang.

Tantangan-tantangan itu tak boleh membuat seseorang cepat menyerah atau secara defensif menyatakan para pemenang itu “bodoh”, tidak logis, tidak mengerti, dan lain sebagainya.

Berkata bahwa hanya kitalah orang yang pintar, yang paling mengerti, hanya akan menunjukkan ketidakberdayaan belaka. Dan pernyataan ini hanya keluar dari orang pintar yang miskin perspektif, dan kurang menghadapi ujian yang sesungguhnya.

Dalam banyak kesempatan, kita menyaksikan banyak orang-orang pintar menjadi tampak bodoh karena ia memang bodoh mengelola kesulitan. Ia hanya pandai berkelit atau ngoceh-ngoceh di belakang panggung, bersungut-sungut karena kini tak ada lagi orang dewasa yang mengambil alih kesulitan yang ia hadapi.

Di Universitas Indonesia, saya membentuk mahasiswa-mahasiswa saya agar berani menghadapi tantangan dengan cara satu orang pergi ke satu negara tanpa ditemani satu orang pun agar berani menghadapi kesulitan, kesasar, ketinggalan pesawat, atau kehabisan uang.

Namun lagi-lagi orangtua sering mengintervensi mereka dengan mencarikan travel agent, memberikan paket tur, uang jajan dalam jumlah besar, menitipkan perjalanan pada teman di luar negeri, menyediakan penginapan yang aman, dan lain sebagainya. Padahal, anak-anak itu hanya butuh satu kesempatan: bagaimana menghadapi kesulitan dengan caranya sendiri.

Hidup yang indah adalah hidup dalam alam sebenarnya, yaitu alam yang penuh tantangan.

Dan inilah esensi perekonomian abad ke-21: bergejolak, ketidakpastian, dan membuat manusia menghadapi ambiguitas. Namun dalam kondisi seperti itulah sesungguhnya manusia berpikir. Dan ketika kita berpikir, tampaklah pintu-pintu baru terbuka, saat pintu-pintu hafalan kita tertutup.

Jadi inilah yang mengakibatkan banyak sekali orang pintar sulit dalam menghadapi kesulitan.

Maka dari itu, pesan Carol Dweck, dari apa yang saya renungi, sebenarnya sederhana saja: orangtua, jangan cepat-cepat merampas kesulitan yang dihadapi anak-anakmu. Sebaliknya, berilah mereka kesempatan untuk menghadapi tantangan dan kesulitan.

sumber : rhenald kasali

Source

Seven fantastic exercises to give you a healthy spine

Back pain is no joke. Regardless of whether someone has a highly active lifestyle or is completely lazy, every one of us risks damaging our spine through our everday activities.
Luckily for you, we’ve found a few simple, but very effective exercises which are guaranteed to help you get rid of back pain you might experience.

Exercise 1 Lie on your back. Bend your right leg at the knee. Stretch out your left leg above your head. Grasp it with both hands under the knee, and pull it towards your torso. Hold this pulling motion for 30 seconds. Repeat this exercise twice for both legs.

Exercise 2 Lie on your back and bend both legs at the knee. Grasp your left leg with both hands at the knee and pull it towards your torso. Hold the position for 20 seconds. Repeat the exercise twice for both legs.

Exercise 3 Lie on your back. Stretch your right arm out to the side, at a right angle to your body. Stretch your left leg out so that it is straight. Try to stretch your right knee towards your left side, so that it almost touches your left hand. Hold this position for 20 seconds. Repeat the exercise twice for both knees.

Exercise 4 Lie on your back and bend your left leg at the knee. Place the lower half of your right leg crosswise over your left thigh, with your knee pointing out sideways at a right angle. Carefully pull your left leg towards your head. Hold this position for 30 seconds. Switch the position of your legs and repeat.

Exercise 5 Lean on the floor on your using your right knee and stretch out your leg behind you. Your left leg should be bent at the knee. Hold this position for 30 seconds. Repeat the exercise with the position of your legs changed.

Exercise 6 Lie on your right side. Bend your left leg at the knee, grasping your ankle with your left hand. Carefully pully on your ankle with your hand, thereby tensing the muscles in your left thigh. Your spine should not be bent to any great extent. Hold this position for 30 seconds. Then lie on your left side and repeat the exercise.

Exercise 7 Stand arms’ length from a table. Bend your upper body forward, slightly bending your legs at the knees, to the point where you can touch the edge of the table with both hands. Your arms should be stretched out and your head at the level of your shoulders. Hold this position for ten seconds. Then stand up straight and bend your body to each side, one after the other.

Once you’ve done all this, we promise you’ll fee great!

 

Source

4 key reasons why it matters to put your spouse before your children

There are important reasons why your spouse should be your first priority, even before your children. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your children; it means you love them enough to keep your priorities in the right order.

• Editor's Note: Written in response to their highly popular article (read by over 4 million people), 10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse - and you don't even know it.
  There is a natural order in marriage. It begins with two people falling in love, believing that they are the most important person in the world to each other. As children come along they need to be cherished and loved but never more than your spouse. Then when they're grown and gone, it's back to just two people again. When these two remain in love, it provides a stability and a legacy for the children, no matter their age.

 

• The four key reasons

• Your children need to see how marriage works

  If you push your spouse down on your list of priorities, your children will believe that marriage isn't all that important. On the other hand, if they see you honoring your spouse with that number one spot, they will feel a love and security that can come in no other way.
  A young adult shared the following experience. She said, "When I was little I used to ask my mom who she loved the most, me or Dad. She always said, "Dad." I asked him the same question, and he answered "Mom." Of course, I knew they loved me, but I was always a little disappointed that they didn't say they loved me the most. A few years later I asked them again and the answer they gave showed me on top, at last. They said they loved me the most. The funny thing is, it didn't feel so good after all. It wasn't the feeling I was expecting. I liked it better when they said they loved each other the most." A few years later they were divorced. She said, "They needed to keep loving each other the most, then I might still have a mom and dad together. It's sad." (First published here)
  Twin college coeds were counseling their younger sisters about what to look for in their future husband. They wrote: "Tonight when Dad comes home from work or meetings, listen to the first words he'll say when he walks in the door: 'Where's my beautiful wife?' Then watch as he searches the house to find her, just so he can kiss her to let her know he loves her. Notice how he'll start helping with whatever he can right away, and how he makes every one of you feel so important as he asks about your day."
  Putting your spouse first does not diminish the love your children feel from you. It enhances it as long as you show love to them as well.

 

• It creates a feeling of romance in your marriage

  You know right off the top that you matter to your spouse, and that's romantic. How open are you to respond with love and affection when you feel that you are the most important person in the world to your spouse? Keeping romance alive in marriage is crucial. And this is not just about "making love," it's about giving love in everyday little acts of caring that show your spouse how much he or she means to you. An unhappy wife told us that her husband meets the needs of everyone else first and rarely even notices hers. Are there times when a child's needs come first? Of course, but not continually and not at the expense of your spouse. A father of three young children, when asked if he still had the top spot on his wife's list of priorities, said, "I'm not even on the list." He wasn't laughing. Busy spouses must always find time to show their mates how important they are to them.

 

• Children who are continually number one become self-centered

  When they are practically worshiped at home by a parent, children go out into the world with an unrealistic view; one that says they are owed. In an article by physician Danielle Teller, titled "How American parenting is killing the American marriage," she said, "Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home... Is it surprising that divorce rates are rising fastest for new empty nesters?"

 

• It helps everything else in your life go better

  When your marriage is going well, it improves every other part of your life. If you have to spend time worrying about your marriage, it will take away from your productivity at work. Even more important, if you spend time fretting over marital problems, you have less time to devote to your children. There is only so much time and space in your life so keeping the marriage strong opens up more avenues for your relationship with your children to flourish. Keeping your spouse in that number one spot is what helps make that happen.
  When divorce and remarriage enter the scene, it can be complicated. Where do the children of the first marriage fit? The new spouse deserves that number one spot, but that does not mean the children of a previous marriage are excluded. Children of divorce can feel left out and unloved if proper attention is not given to them. They may not be number one, but they need to be a very close number two, even if they are unlovable at times. They're hurting. They need both of their natural parents' love for them to thrive.
  If you are a step-parent (some call it more lovingly — a bonus parent), then you need to be willing to welcome your current mate's children into your lives and allow him or her to have time to enjoy their children. Bring them into a loving family where they can see that your current marriage is one of happiness and strength. It will give them a feeling of security they were missing before.

Source

NASA unveils EPIC photobomb by the far side of the moon

Moon passed between Sun and Earth, taken by NASA's spacecraft in 16th July 2015.

“I’m having trouble getting over how awesome this is,” tweeted Peter Gleick, a scientist at the Pacific Institute. Al Gore called it “incredible.” Another said it was “existentially humbling.”

They’re all singing the praises of NASA’s latest visual offering: A view, from 1 million miles away, of the moon as it passes between the DSCOVR spacecraft’s “EPIC” camera and the Earth.

These images, which were taken between 3:50 p.m. and 8:45 p.m. EDT on July 16, show the moon passing over the Pacific Ocean near North America. NASA said the camera will be able to capture the moon and Earth together twice a year once it begins regular observations next month.

The view, while unique, isn’t the first glimpse we’ve had of the far side of the moon shielded from us on Earth. That distinction, NASA says, belongs to the images returned by the Soviet Luna 3 in 1959.
In 2008, NASA captured a similar view from 31 million miles a way, but they showed a moon that, unlike the latest batch, showed only a partially illuminated moon

NASA pointed out that the lunar far side doesn’t have “the large, dark, basaltic plains, or maria, that are so prominent on the Earth-facing side.” Features, however, include the Mare Moscoviense in the upper left and the Tsiolkovskiy crater in the lower left.

“It is surprising how much brighter Earth is than the moon,” said Adam Szabo, DSCOVR project scientist at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Md. “Our planet is a truly brilliant object in dark space compared to the lunar surface.”

Source

5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage

You might be surprised to figure out you are doing these five destructive things that will ultimately ruin your relationship with your spouse.

• When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else's well-being and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions.
  Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don't let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.
  Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well):

• 1. Living outside of what you can afford

  A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: "The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means."
  Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.
  Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.
  Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you've had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.

• 2. Constant negativity

  You hate your hair, the messes around the house, the neighbor across the street, your dumb co-worker, the old dishwasher, and everything in between. As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that's crossed your mind throughout the day.
  Can you imagine having to carry that burden? Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.
  If there is one thing I've learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can't help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It's okay to have a bad day once in a while, that's totally understandable, but don't make it a way of life.

• 3. Putting everything else first

  When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant. Imagine having that message sent to you every day for many years. What would that do to your self esteem?
  Put your husband first.
  Although it sometimes seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive, I think you'd be amazed to find that it's often the key to the greatest happiness in marriage. So many couples get divorced these days, because they neglect to care and love one another and put each other first.
  If you choose to put each other first, you will find a lot of joy.
  Read: 4 key reasons why it matters to put your spouse before your children  

• 4. Withholding physical affection

  Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them.
  Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God.
  It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.

 

• 5. Not speaking his language

  Women love to drop hints. (I think it's part of our DNA.) But men just don't get them. (I think that is a part of their DNA.)
  Don't waste your time giving subtle hints that he won't understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don't bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what's wrong, don't respond with "nothing" and then expect him to read your mind and emotions. Be open about how you really feel.
  -
  UPDATE: Men, this advice applies to you as well. Check out, "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your wife and killing your marriage".

Source