5 motherhood myths that are dragging you down

Fellow moms, we've heard many things about motherhood that simply aren't true. No one is exactly sure how these five myths became so pervasive, but they are making us miserable. If you want to find more joy in motherhood, you have to acknowledge that these five myths are holding you back. It's time for all of us to let them go.

1. There's a right way and a wrong way to parent

Imagine all the doubt, worry, and confusion that we would eliminate if we quit thinking about parenting in terms of right and wrong. The mommy wars would go away entirely. In reality, there is only a right way and a wrong way for your family. Part of being a successful mother is learning through experience what works in your unique situation and with your unique kids. No two families need or want the same things, so we've got to let go of the notion that some mythical, perfect parenting tactic works.

2. You always have to like your kids

We have this ideal that (1) mothers instantly bond with their own children, and (2) they like them all of the time. Neither of those is necessarily true. While a mother always loves her kids, sometimes our kids do things that make us downright crazy. (It starts at birth and escalates from there.) It's human nature to get annoyed and frustrated with your kids. After all, children are a demanding breed. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about your kids from time to time. We've all been there.

3. Some women have it all figured out

We all have an image of the "ideal mom" lurking in our minds. We live under the illusion that someone, somewhere has calm, respectful children, a doting husband and an immaculate home. While it sometimes seems that our neighbor down the street has everything together, we all come with our own distinct baggage. Just because someone keeps a tidy house or has high-achieving children, doesn't mean she isn't dealing with her own demons. We should show a little more compassion to ourselves and to those around us. You never know what's going on behind closed doors.

4. Our kids' problems are our own

We mothers internalize our kids' issues and make them our own. However, our children come with strengths and weaknesses that have little to do with our parenting. Society teaches us that our lack of parenting skills contributes to our kids' hardships, especially for mothers of special needs kids or kids with challenges. We run the risk of taking up our children's cross as our own.
At the end of the day, we can teach, encourage and provide opportunities for our kids, but we can't force them to go in any direction. Our kids are born with their own free will, and they have to make the big decisions about their own lives.

5. We have 18 years to get it right

There's an enormous amount of pressure to get motherhood right. When our kids leave home, it's the ultimate test of what we've taught, but it's far from the end. Our relationship with our kids is constantly evolving, even after they've left home. It's never too late to become a better mom and improve your relationship with your kids.

We've got to stop being so hard on ourselves. The moms on TV and in movies bear little resemblance to us and our friends in real life. When we let go of our preconceived notions about how mothers should act or should feel we open ourselves up to becoming the better moms. Our kids don't need our perfection; they need our true selves — the good, the bad, and mostly the loving.

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The blessings of being raised by a low-maintenance mother

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's blog, Mom Explores Michigan. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

My mom has a little curve on the tip of her nose that she affectionately calls, "The Cullimore Hook." She also has wrinkles on her face, a flat chest, a great smile and incredible legs. She is capable, kind, smart, low-maintenance and beautiful.

In today's world, full of over-processed, over-done, over-glammed out women, I will be forever grateful that I was raised by a mother who has always been too busy with important things to scrutinize every inch of her body, to obsess about fine lines, to turn herself into something she isn't.

For her, low-maintenance has never been Birkenstocks, dreadlocks and pajamas all day. In fact, long before gym-rats and cross-fit, my mom was up at 5:30 a.m. attending an exercise class. She was home, showered and ready for the day often before we were even out of bed. She wore classic clothes and simple make-up with different haircuts throughout the years, some definitely better than others.
I remember, as a teenager, wondering why she didn't reapply her face more often or get her nails done. I thought it was crazy that she mostly wore flats and had never had a massage or pedicure. She used Suave shampoo and hair spray, Clinique foundation, and drugstore mascara. She didn't get things lifted, enhanced, or lasered. I have always had a healthy expectation of what a real woman's body should look like because of her.

We shopped together at inexpensive stores where she she taught me how to dress for my body, look for items that were stylish but on sale, and to buy only clothes I was sure I would wear. Brands didn't matter and clothes were fun but never used as a status symbol. Our outings were enjoyable but not excessive.

I watched her, at times, put a lot of effort into what she looked like ... an extra coat of mascara, hot rollers in her hair, or a fantastic new dress and heels, but that kind of time and energy on herself was reserved for special occasions.

Beauty was never a main topic of conversation around our house. It was assumed that we would look put together, situationally appropriate, and take care of ourselves, but there was no expectation to be beautiful. After all, beauty is capricious, subjective, and fleeting, and my mom understood that.
Dinner table talk revolved around what we were doing and accomplishing, who we were helping, what we were struggling with, and what was happening in the world, not what we looked like. We didn't bond over manicures and beauty tips but grew incredibly close as she assisted us in becoming our best spiritual, academic, and emotional selves.

Read 5 motherhood myths that are dragging you down

 

My mom today

Today, as a very financially stable woman in her mid-50s, she is just as grounded. No eyelash or hair extensions, Botox or tummy tucks, and she smiles for pictures when she is in her pajamas and without make-up.

Yes, she has started getting her eyebrows waxed, coloring her hair, using nicer shampoo, and I'm pretty sure her clothes are no longer from Mervyn's, but she is still just the same. She does not define herself by what she looks like or if people think she is 10 years younger than her true age. She defines herself by what she gives.

What my mom taught me

I had no idea what an impact her little choices and quiet example to be her best natural self would have on me as I became an adult. When budgets were tight, our funds weren't siphoned towards spa appointments or $30 shampoo. In the early years of our marriage, I didn't have to set aside money for the Nordstrom sale or for high-end shoes. I have always been good at "making do" with what I had or finding a great, new shirt for under $20 that made me smile.

I have varicose veins that scare children, love handles I can't help but pinch, stretch marks like cat scratches, and plenty of wrinkles already, but it's all OK because my mom taught me something much more valuable than how to accessorize.

She taught me that being less than perfect is perfectly OK. She taught me that taking care of my body is worth it, but that moderation is necessary. She showed me that the fountain of youth is not found in a bottle or needle, but in a childlike heart and caring nature.

She taught me that real beauty is having a life purpose that allows you to brush aside the unimportant. She encouraged me to be anxiously engaged in causes that fulfill me so I don't have to search for happiness in places I won't find it. She taught me that a new outfit can be a great pick-me-up, but nothing takes you higher than knowing you are right with God.

It's hard to ever measure up to your mom. In fact, there may come a day when I laser those pesky varicose veins or iron out my wrinkly skin. My eyes never open at 5:30 a.m., and I have a hard time leaving the house without a fresh coat of lipstick, but because of her, I know that smooth legs, a youthful face and pink lips have nothing to do with who I really am. What defines me is how I love, who I serve, and what I create with this precious body and little time I am given.

All mothers love and bond differently with their children, and there are millions of ways to be a great, influential mom, but as Mother's Day approaches, I must say thank you to MY mom. She is perfect for ME. Her sweet example, deliberate focus, constant push, and unconditional love taught me that being comfortable in my own skin will consistently be my biggest asset and that I have always been just right, just the way I am.

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Bedroom Tips Girls Secretly Want a Guy to Do

1. Openness
Every woman wants to reveal her partner her deepest naughty fantasies, but not every woman can entrust her secret dreams. That’s why a man must be totally open in bed. The more open a guy is about his intimate desires, the more open a woman will be with hers.

2. Listening
To be heard is one of those things women always want to get from guys, even under the sheets. We know exactly what we love doing in bed. Guys should just listen to us and respond to our guidance on how to satisfy us best. Of course, their efforts will be rewarded.


3. Passion
There is no doubt women dream about all sorts of romance, candles, flowers, gentle words etc. But men should not forget about passion as well, raw passion. Sometimes the best way to satisfy a woman is to just take her, kiss her hard, and make no apologies for how desperately he needs all of you.

4. Aggressiveness
We, women, are quite enthusiastic about aggressive sex, aren’t we? Even a little roughing under the sheets can do wonders for our sexual life. We do not want our men to be aggressive on every occasion, but sometimes guys must definitely turn into real aggressors and feel free to venture into this darker world of intimate desires.

5.Focus on entire body
Unfortunately men often make this mistake. They pay attention to a few places on a woman’s body when trying to bring her pleasure. But we don’t actually want our partner to focus only on these “obvious” intimate spots. We want guys to pay attention to our entire body rather than the sum of its parts.

6.Longer oral sex
It’s just incredible how many men don’t give their women oral sex that often, or even don’t do it at all. They actually think it’s OK. But it’s definitely not! Guys expect oral sex for themselves, but do not always return the sentiment to girls. It’s a huge mistake. Agree, girls? We want men to experiment a little bit down there and figure out what we like best.

7. Domination
We, women, want it all, to dominate and to be dominated. We want men to take charge in bed as well as we want to take charge by ourselves. Sometimes to control everything what’s going on between the sheets brings us real pleasure, “the cowgirl” position works the best in this case. The must-remember tip here is to switch these roles from time to time.

8. Dirty talk
Women love dirty talk, but men often miss giving it to us. Every girl secretly wants her partner to engage her naughty side and tell her exactly what he is thinking about, not just flowery sweet nothing. Our halves must tell us about their dirtiest sexual desires and then fulfill them in the bedroom!

So, these are the main things women want their men to do in the bedroom. Don’t be upset if your partner doesn’t do all of them. Just talk to him, and don’t be afraid to reveal your deepest and darkest desires. Find out his secret fantasies too. Understanding and trusting each other is the best way to spice up your sexual life.

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7 meaningful touches your husband is waiting for

The human touch has incredible potential. The hand is a point of contact that has benefits — physiologically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

The human touch has incredible potential. The hand is a point of contact that has benefits — physiologically, emotionally, and even spiritually.





Maybe it's a good time to remind wives how meaningful their touch is to their husbands. Sometimes wives can allow a distance in their relationship with their husband because of his rough exterior or his lack of emotion.

I hope to encourage you to reach for your husband and let him know how much he means to you. Sharing your soft touch with him will certainly soften up his demeanor. Here are seven meaningful touches your husband is waiting for:




1. When he is working around the house, bringing him a beverage is a huge sign that you notice his efforts to make your home a place to enjoy. Reaching for him at this time is huge in showing him your gratitude. It will prompt him to do much more, more often.
   
2. Slipping a handwritten note into his briefcase or laying it on the console of his truck will cause him to think about you during the day. He'll work hard, but he will also hurry home.
   
3. I know this one may cause you to cringe, but at least consider it: massage his feet. It would be the modern equivalent of a foot washing. It is humbling, and possibly pretty gross. However, it would be an incredible touch of kindness and expression of love.
   
4. Obviously your husband doesn't want flowers, but a ticket to his favorite game would be an awesome touch.
   
5. Plan your day and save some energy for your husband. Approach him for intimacy. Don't always make him be the pursuer.
   
6. Reach for him at random times. While watching television, walking, or at a restaurant. A public display of affection initiated by you is admirable. It shows a level of respect and honor that is rarely demonstrated in modern culture.
   
7. Rub his shoulders. Most men hold their stress in their neck and shoulder areas. Your touch will release the heavy burden he is carrying.
   

Read 5 reasons I desperately need my husband

 

Bonus Touch

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Let me add that if you do this one, the impact could be immeasurable. As he is leaving the house and pulling out of the driveway, watch him from the window. Pray for blessings over him, expressing gratitude for who he is, and asking God to empower the work of his hands. He may not see you or know that you do it, but your touch will be worked through God's hands, blessing all that he does.


Reach for your husband. He needs you.

 

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5 reasons I desperately need my husband

I loved being a single lady and basking in its freedom. However, once I married, that all changed.

My husband ruined me. Yes, he completely ruined me. Growing up, I was quite the independent girl. I could stay all alone overnight without grasping a baseball bat at every little sound. I was even able to put together a bookshelf all by myself — with tools. However, once I married, I began to rely on my husband for so many things that I use to do myself. Even after five years of marriage, those feelings haven't changed. In fact, I realize I need him more than ever.
Here are five reasons why I desperately need my husband and why you probably need yours as well.

He is my brains

You've heard the saying that two heads are better than one. In my case, this is true. When I have a question or need something fixed, the first person I turn to is my husband. In a marriage, it is crucial that you rely on one another. I hope your husband is your best friend. I hope that his opinion matters the most to you. A strong, healthy marriage is an equal partnership and that certainly doesn't mean that one person takes care of everything while the other sits on the couch eating ice cream and watching Netflix.

He is my decision maker

We each face hundreds of decisions every single day. Some of those choices are large and life-changing while others do not make any difference. However, when those big decisions come that affect yourself or someone in your family, you and your husband need to agree on a decision together. You need to create a partnership. If I could make all the decisions in my family, we'd constantly be on vacation, drowning in debt and not having any focus in life. Thank goodness for a husband to keep our family level-headed and on track.

He is a place to vent

As a wife and a mom, it is easy to become irritated. It may be a rough day with the kids, or you may receive an unplanned bill. Whatever it may be, you need someone to vent to. You need someone to sit and listen as you complain about all the things that went wrong throughout the day or that are bothering you. He may not do much about it, but just getting it off your chest may be enough.

He is my future

When you look 10 or even 100 years down the road, the first thing you should see is your spouse. The relationship between you and your spouse is your most important relationship. You need to do everything possible today to ensure that relationship is strong and can withstand the harsh elements and obstacles that are going to be thrown its way. When you daydream and plan the future, make sure your spouse is there, holding your hand. Do not make any plans without him there.

He is my joy

I can honestly admit that my life would feel meaningless if I did not have my spouse. His jokes and teasing remarks are what make the 5:30 wake up calls from my toddler OK, his hugs are what keep the tears from flowing because of my burnt dinners, and his cuddles help me relax after a stressful day of errands and household duties. I loved my life while I was single, but I would never give up the worst of days for it again.

When life seems too hard, when things don't seem just right, look at your spouse. What does he do to make your heart melt? How does he chase away any doubts or fears that you may have? How does he keep you happy, every single day? When those hard times come in a marriage, which they always do, think about those qualities. Think about why he brings you so much joy. Those hard times will quickly become easier.

Yes, I am a changed person from my single days. Yes, I rely on someone more than anything but life isn't about me anymore. Marriage is about two people working hard, compromising, communicating and loving one another so they can overcome anything. It is about being that person for someone else, being there when it seems nobody else is, loving someone so intently that they never want to leave your side. My husband showed me that those qualities are real. He definitely ruined me.

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